1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
