yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
