Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
false alarm, still single
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
