i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
