I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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