I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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