just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
