You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
