She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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