Sry I called you an 8
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
