I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Randomize
