And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
