Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Thank you for not boning my boss.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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