We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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