TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
