im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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