I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize