I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
