I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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