Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
