hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
