We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
