You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
