Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
