the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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