why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
