coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
there is glitter all over my balls
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