im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
