Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
