Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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