Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My Higher Power is John Stamos
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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