I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
