in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
