Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
