I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
