goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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