are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
