is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize