last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
