wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
