But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
