I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
