like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
