I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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