I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize