is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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