"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Randomize
