believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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