I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
