i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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