Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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