today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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