Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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