Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
