im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
