ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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