what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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