i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
