We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
