We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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