i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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