I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
