I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
