I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
