Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
