sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
