i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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