on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
