Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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