Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
