Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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